Suffering Gracefully

I would have to say that I am the biggest, most selfish sufferer. Over the last two years the Lord has been "refining" me. I am sure through all this time He has been wondering where is the beauty in this mess of a creation. Thank Goodness He sees the finished product before He gets started.

God is really teaching me in Sunday school and in the sermons that suffering happens for a reason and when it happens we have a choice to make. To endure it gracefully so it will produce character, otherwise what is the point. A verse that keeps coming back to me over and over again is: John 16:33 (NIV) 33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In the midst of trials it is so easy to lose heart, I have many times and felt like nothing was ever going to change and my heart would always be broken and healing would never come. But the part of this verse that is so encouraging is But take heart! I have overcome the world. I need this reminder when I lose heart. Life is not hopeless and I am not a hopeless case. God's grace is sufficient for a wretch like me. For this I am truly Thankful.

New Nurse

I passed my state boards and I am an official RN! Licensed by the Texas Board of Nursing! This is huge since I was convinced I didn't pass when I walked out of the testing center!

I got an RN full time position at St. Elizabeth Hospital on a Med/Surg floor. So far I love nursing way more than nursing school and I can say, that I did like nursing school. I am looking forward to making a difference in my patients lives.

We also found us a rent house in Beaumont. My mother and father-inlaw have been with us since nursing school started. They were a huge help in getting me through school but I know we both need our own space. Time for painting and decorating our new house! I am so excited!

Fear

I have decided my whole problem in life is that I am being fearful and leading a feared life. I am afraid that I will ruin my children's lives by making mistakes. I am afraid my marriage will fail because we are in a different place then we have ever been. I am afraid I will not find a job and when I do I will have forgotten everything I learned. I fear that my extended family will not understand the choices we make. I fear that I will always be a big girl and will never be able to lose weight. I fear that my life will never be settled and that joy will never come again. I fear that my husband will stay away from the Lord for forever. I fear that my children will follow him... I think you get the point. I am feeling crippled by all this fear. Fear is ruling my life. I have been on the verge of tears for two weeks, my TMJ has flared up...fear is affecting my every breath. Fear has become my God. God tells us to "Fear NOT." Safety has become my God or the desire to be safe and protected.
I started this devotion today "Trust More, Fear Less"- By Max Lucado. I want to be fearless and love the Lord and serve Him, and TRUST Him in my life and his hand. I have felt so far away for him for nearly 18 months now. I know He is not the one who moved. I did. I feel Him genlty pulling me back into His comforting arms and trying to reassure my heart of his guidance and grace. My goal is to trust in Him more and not rely on my own strength or on the saftey this "world" can bring. I need the Lord to restore my fearful heart and spirit!

What nursing shortage?

Apparently there is not really a nursing shortage at all. I have been applying for jobs since March and have only gotten "NO" we have filled all our Graduate Nurse intership positions. Boy this is frustrating and very stressful. I want to move up to where my family is in the Dallas area but it seems like that is not working out for a job...I never in my wildest dreams imagined it to be this difficult to find a job. Everyone is trying to be encouraging and say keep you head up the right job will come through. But when you have worked so incredibly hard at a degree and then every place feels like it slaps all your effort and time in the face when it says "there is no more room for you in the INN." I don't want a job just to have a job, I am ready beyond my wildest dreams to be a nurse and get started taking care of people the way I have always dreamed of doing. I feel so empty and unfulfilled. I am just ready. I just want a position to care for people. Since we left the ministry my heart has ached to minister and this is my newest opportunity to do what I feel like I have always been called to do. I long and yearn for this...more than you know.

Whew! It's over!

Notice on my skirt there are three little letters. BSN! These three letters have taken me 9 years to achieve...but I did it! I am very proud and want to rejoice in this accomplishment. I have dreamed of nursing for many many years and I can look back in my life and see where God was molding me into this career. I want to serve people for the rest of my life and help bring healing to them. I can't believe this part of the journey is over and now onto the real challenge putting all I have learned into practice. Please pray for me to get a job. It is a tough market these day's with the economy. I know God has the perfect place for me and I will rejoice in anything he has in store for me out there! Thank you for all your love and support of me through this journey. It has been rocky, bumpy, tearful but wonderful all at the same time. Friends and Family I did it!!!! I made it!!! I am a NURSE!!

Pinning and Graduation!!

Attention: I am graduating MAY 14th at 9:30 AM. At the the Lamar Montange Center! Consider this an unofficial invitation to anyone who wants to come and be my fan club! I am so excited about this event! Second announcement is my pinning ceremony is on May 7th at 3:00pm! This is a unique ceremony exclusive to nursing. You are invited to this too if you want to support me there too. It is also at the montange center!

If By Rudyard Kipling

If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Last Semester

Monday I am beginning my last semester of nursing school. I am not wanting to but, I am very excited this is IT!!! May 7th is my pinning ceremony and May 15th is graduation. I have been in school off and on for almost ten years. I started school in 2002 and 9 years later I am finally completing the task. I know when I got married, before I was done with school, my mom was worried I would never finish. I promised her that I would finish! I am doing it Mom! I am so proud. Not only am I finishing but I have done very well and made great grades in the process. I have made A's and B's in nursing school. My GPA has gone up in nursing school :-) I am proud of this fact. So I say all that to say, this is the beginning of the end! Strap in this ride is gonna fly by!