Fear

I have decided my whole problem in life is that I am being fearful and leading a feared life. I am afraid that I will ruin my children's lives by making mistakes. I am afraid my marriage will fail because we are in a different place then we have ever been. I am afraid I will not find a job and when I do I will have forgotten everything I learned. I fear that my extended family will not understand the choices we make. I fear that I will always be a big girl and will never be able to lose weight. I fear that my life will never be settled and that joy will never come again. I fear that my husband will stay away from the Lord for forever. I fear that my children will follow him... I think you get the point. I am feeling crippled by all this fear. Fear is ruling my life. I have been on the verge of tears for two weeks, my TMJ has flared up...fear is affecting my every breath. Fear has become my God. God tells us to "Fear NOT." Safety has become my God or the desire to be safe and protected.
I started this devotion today "Trust More, Fear Less"- By Max Lucado. I want to be fearless and love the Lord and serve Him, and TRUST Him in my life and his hand. I have felt so far away for him for nearly 18 months now. I know He is not the one who moved. I did. I feel Him genlty pulling me back into His comforting arms and trying to reassure my heart of his guidance and grace. My goal is to trust in Him more and not rely on my own strength or on the saftey this "world" can bring. I need the Lord to restore my fearful heart and spirit!

What nursing shortage?

Apparently there is not really a nursing shortage at all. I have been applying for jobs since March and have only gotten "NO" we have filled all our Graduate Nurse intership positions. Boy this is frustrating and very stressful. I want to move up to where my family is in the Dallas area but it seems like that is not working out for a job...I never in my wildest dreams imagined it to be this difficult to find a job. Everyone is trying to be encouraging and say keep you head up the right job will come through. But when you have worked so incredibly hard at a degree and then every place feels like it slaps all your effort and time in the face when it says "there is no more room for you in the INN." I don't want a job just to have a job, I am ready beyond my wildest dreams to be a nurse and get started taking care of people the way I have always dreamed of doing. I feel so empty and unfulfilled. I am just ready. I just want a position to care for people. Since we left the ministry my heart has ached to minister and this is my newest opportunity to do what I feel like I have always been called to do. I long and yearn for this...more than you know.

Whew! It's over!

Notice on my skirt there are three little letters. BSN! These three letters have taken me 9 years to achieve...but I did it! I am very proud and want to rejoice in this accomplishment. I have dreamed of nursing for many many years and I can look back in my life and see where God was molding me into this career. I want to serve people for the rest of my life and help bring healing to them. I can't believe this part of the journey is over and now onto the real challenge putting all I have learned into practice. Please pray for me to get a job. It is a tough market these day's with the economy. I know God has the perfect place for me and I will rejoice in anything he has in store for me out there! Thank you for all your love and support of me through this journey. It has been rocky, bumpy, tearful but wonderful all at the same time. Friends and Family I did it!!!! I made it!!! I am a NURSE!!